Bitter Or Better

My name is Nancy, a hard-working mother of two beautiful girls. I got married Six years ago to Steve; not not out of love but out of coercion. Our parents had been friends for a while, I guess they just wanted to seal their friendship by marrying us off to each other. I pleaded with my parents but it all fell on deaf ears and with time, my voice got drowned in the midst of all their supporters. We ended up with an elaborate wedding that left us perpetually sad.

Steve didn’t hide his loathe for the idea of getting married to me, but he couldn’t stand losing out on his father’s massive wealth. For him, our marriage was a business deal; the only way to gain control over his father’s empire. Somehow, I was the only one left without any gain so to speak, hence I was bent on making my marriage work.

I struggled to make things work out at home but Steve was not just interested. I was treated more like a possession. I made every attempt to make him change his disposition but he just wouldn’t budge. When we had our twin daughters, I thought their birth will make my husband more caring and loving but it was mere wishful thinking.

Steve was also a great actor, we quarrelled so often over practically everything at home, but when we were with friends or family, we were best of friends. This made it practically impossible to report him to anyone. I later resigned to fate as I bottled up the pain which emanated from my parents down to my husband. I couldn’t express the bitterness in my heart, thus I slipped into depression and would burst into tears almost at every opportunity. I developed constant headache and when it became unbearable that I had to visit the hospital.

My blood pressure had gone so high I had to be hospitalised for treatment and constant monitoring. All through the 5 days I spent in the hospital, Steve only visited once and all he could tell me is that he had paid enough money to take care of my medical bills. The Doctor placed me on medication after giving me a lecture on the threat high blood pressure posed to life. He advised me to take things easy and free my mind of anything that could get me unnecessarily agitated.

I pondered over my life and discovered that I would have been the greatest loser if I had died in the process because everyone around me seems to be living their normal lives. Though I have to remain on medication, I still thank God that I’m alive to amend my ways. I resolved that there is more to life than living in bitterness. Instead of being bitter, I choose to be better. As for Steve, I won’t allow him destroy me. I have resolved not to bottle things up anymore, rather I will speak out! It is high time we reviewed this marriage thing with all the parties involved…..

Our approach to challenges in life will determine if we will remain victims or victors; bitter or better. As long as we are alive, people will definitely hurt us but it’s left for us to decide if we want to remain incarcerated by bitterness bearing in mind that it poses a threat to our health and eventually our lives. It is not easy though, but when we are certain that life holds better things ahead for us, we won’t want anything or anyone to deprive us of those privileges. Most importantly, it is advisable to ask God for help because of our human limitations.

Another point of emphasis here is that marriage should be contracted based on love between two people and not selfish motives. It is better to stay single than to get married and live in perpetual sorrow. Get married because you are happy being with the person not because you want to please someone else. When you have to jeopardise your happiness for a parent’s selfish motive then get ready to face the music alone.

Furthermore, we should be careful of how we treat our spouses. Some are going through emotional trauma because of the actions of their spouse which they have no control over. While in worse cases, some have lost their minds and are being confined to mental homes due to the ill treatment meted out to them by their spouses. The question is, if you can’t preserve a life, why destroy it? I pray such people will have a rethink and right all their wrongs, else the repercussion could be grievous.

Thank you for your time, please drop your comments and share with others too. Till I come your way next week, make your marriage work!