Confusion

Life was quite cruel to me growing up. I lost both parents in a ghastly motor accident few weeks before I wrote my final exams in secondary school, how I managed to pass the exams is still a mystery. No relation was willing to take up responsibilities because their hands were ‘already full’.

A meeting was held and they resolved that we relocated to the village to live with our paternal grandparents. A week prior to our moving to the village, our neighbour Mr Kola, returned from a 3 month training sponsored by the company he works for. He felt so much sympathy for us and he vouched to take responsibility for our upkeep and education. It was a big relief for me and my 2 siblings and we all agreed to be of best behaviour and face our studies squarely.

True to his words, Mr Kola made good his promises. He took care of our rent, tuition, feeding and clothing. When I gained admission into the University, he gave me full support and through his help I was able to run a mini ‘tuck-shop’ in my room on campus. The proceeds from the business were used to take care of my immediate needs so as to limit the burden on him. My siblings didn’t joke with their studies either and in little or no time, they made it to the university too. Honestly, Uncle Kola as we fondly call him is an angel in disguise, sent to us when we were in dire need of help and we will forever be grateful to him.

During my final year, I met Tayo, a post graduate student in the university who later became my closest friend. Though our academic work was highly demanding, we still found time to reach out to each another. I graduated with good grades and was posted to the Eastern part of the country for the statutory one year youth service. A day prior to my departure, Tayo proposed marriage to me. Though I was excited, I told him to give me some time to carefully consider his proposal, which he obliged. After 2 months, I accepted his proposal and our relationship took a beautiful new turn.

Service year was interesting and in little or no time, I was back in Lagos. Uncle Kola got me a job immediately and life as a working class lady began in earnest for me. Tayo also rounded off his program at the university and was transferred to the Lagos branch of the Company he served in. I was so elated that wedding bells was just around the corner until I decided it was time to tell Uncle Kola about Tayo….

“How could you do this to me after all that I had done for you and your siblings, do you think I am Santa Claus? I played my role in shouldering your responsibilities; don’t you think one good turn deserves another? I would have proposed to you earlier but I was just waiting for the appropriate time and now you are telling me this?” Those were Uncle Kola’s words after I told him about Tayo. I was shocked! It never crossed my mind that Uncle Kola could ever want to marry me. How could I have known that he had a motive behind his kind gesture? My heart is already sold out to Tayo, can’t he just let me be? I don’t want to be seen as an ingrate at the same time I can’t let go of my love for Tayo, how do I get out of this confusion?…………

It pays to be kind but when the kindness has a wrong undertone it becomes a burden. Brand Rendering help to the opposite sex because we want something in return is not ideal. Some Singles have had their hearts broken because their so called ‘investment’ was flushed down the drain by the unsuspecting victim. On the other hand, it is also advisable to ascertain the motive behind any kind gesture before it gets out of hand. The fact that a man renders help to a lady doesn’t give him absolute control over her life and vice versa.

Furthermore, it is appropriate for a man to make his intentions known from the onset, bearing in mind that without a proposal and a positive response, there is no relationship. Where a man’s intentions are not properly defined, the man shouldn’t feel the lady is somewhat indebted to him.

Thank you for your time, please drop your comments here or send a mail to iretioyinleye@gmail.com and kindly share the link with others too. Till I come your way next week, make your marriage work!