Role Swap

I don’t just understand women! I have been married for 3 years and it still feels like I’m living with a stranger. I didn’t see this coming during courtship but I guess marriage brought out her real person. My wife is a professional nag; and she will do it till one feels like committing suicide or abscond from home. I have cautioned her severally but she kept pushing the blame at my not being ready to take up my responsibilities as the head of the home….

My name is Henry, a geologist, married to a beautiful, intelligent and highly resourceful woman. I grew up with my parents and 5 sisters. Being the only son, I was overly pampered. My Mum was a Civil Servant with a strong flair for business, even after retirement she still does business. She made the money while we sat back to enjoy it since dad lost his job. My dad didn’t pick up another job but spent his time drinking with the money mum gives him leaving her to pay all the bills. They rarely quarrelled over monetary issues so I felt it was normal for a woman to assume the role of a man in the family. When Sarah my beloved wife began to nag and quote scriptures for me, I became infuriated. Her best verse was “he that doesn’t take care of his household is worse than an infidel”. I felt she was just stylishly calling me names because she had actually been paying the bills since I lost my job barely 4 months after our wedding, thanks to ‘industrial downsizing’.

Sarah’s attitude changed drastically after I turned down a job offer by her uncle. The job was way too low for my qualification and I felt humiliated. Sarah advised that I pick the job while awaiting other opportunities, I tongue lashed her and even threatened to move out of the home. She never raised the issue again but her attitude spoke volumes. She began to come home late, prepare meals late and even reduced the portion of meat she serves me. I got so angry one day and confronted her, my wife looked at me scornfully and asked me to go and get a job if I want to eat like a ‘man’. I was enraged and didn’t know when I gave her a slap. Although I regretted my action immediately and apologised, the deed had been done. My wife drew farther apart from me and hardly communicated with me. After several pleas, she finally accepted my apologies based on the condition that I will pick up any job and assume my role as a husband and father. Why would she give me such a condition? After all, my mum is still the one fending for her family without any issues? Honestly I don’t know how to handle this because I can’t fathom why I have to be compelled to pick a job when my wife can conveniently pay the bills….

The role of a man in the home is to provide and protect his family. Where he feels otherwise is an indication that he isn’t ready for marriage. Women can render help as often as possible but they are not meant to assume the role of the man in the family. A man who doesn’t see anything wrong with his wife paying the bills, while he is busy doing nothing, needs a rethink because being a husband is not just about the title but in fulfilling the responsibilities attached to it. Don’t forget, an idle man is the devil’s tool box. On the other hand it is not ideal for a woman to nag over issues. In as much as it is necessary to discuss issues with one’s spouse, making incessant  reference to it can further aggravate the issue.  May we not fail in our respective roles in Jesus’ name, Amen.

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