The Foundation

Where Did I Go Wrong?
October 16, 2016
Healing Streams
November 3, 2016

I had this fairy-tale notion about marriage where a prince charming will come from the blues, take his bride, have an elaborate wedding and both of them will live happily ever after…..
My name is Grace, married, a career lady with an exciting job while my husband Ben is an accountant with an audit firm. Ben is my ideal prince charming and I am grateful to God that he left other ladies just to be my husband. Our wedding was indeed elaborate; from the wedding planner to the caterers, everything was perfect. The accolades should go to me because I devoted a lot of time, energy and resources towards having a memorable wedding and it really paid off. Ben was not left out either because he ensured I never lacked finances during the planning process. Our honeymoon was just what I dreamt of and I must say sincerely that it was worth every dime we spent.

I thought we would be in the honeymoon phase forever, little did I know that I wasn’t fully prepared to play the role of a wife. I remember my first day at work after the wedding, both of us woke up late and while running against time, my husband announced that he wanted bread and omelette for breakfast. I shouted back at him to fix his breakfast because I was running late and wasn’t in the mood. This didn’t go down well with Ben and it resulted in a quarrel before I left for the office. I felt he was just too self-centred; so I refused to apologise. I sulked all through the day because I was expecting Ben to call and apologise which he never did. I got so upset and vowed never to allow him boss me around anymore, thereby generating more heat between us. Don’t get me wrong, I know how to cook but I don’t really enjoy cooking. As a single I could easily pick up a snack on my way to the office instead of cooking, why would I now be forced to cook 3 times a day?

Another area of controversy had to do with raising children. Ben wanted us to start raising children almost immediately after marriage while I wanted to delay further so that I could concentrate more on my career. Ben refused vehemently and he even went as far as reporting me to his mother who in turn tongue-lashed me and warned me sternly to give her a grand child without delay. To add salt to injury, I was denied a domestic help on the premise that the chores were not to much for us to handle. Ben who wouldn’t lift a finger to help tidy the house, doesn’t want someone else to do it for a fee, how callous!

Suddenly, my dream for a peace castle turned into a nightmare as my home became a war zone. Things were not just right and we were both too upset to remedy it, we took turns shifting blame to each other. When the tension became unbearable for Ben, he called for a heart to heart discussion which I grudgingly obliged.
“Grace, I guess this Charade we call marriage isn’t worth holding on to. It seems we are not ready for the responsibilities it carries, Isn’t it better we go our separate ways?” Ben asked.
Ideally, it would have been the best option for me but I couldn’t imagine the mockery I would get from friends and family if my 2year old marriage should just pack up. Something in me still wanted to hold on but I had no clue how to go about it. I never knew marriage could be this tedious, especially when one is not adequately prepared for it. I told Ben to give me some time to reflect on it and revert back to him. Believe me honestly, I am clueless, I need help urgently!….

The foundation of a building is very critical to its longevity. Marriage can be likened to a building while the efforts we put in from the onset stands as the foundation. It is rather pathetic that marriage in recent times is being treated with ‘kid gloves’. Majority go into it with zero preparation.

Will Grace accept to walk away from her marriage or find a way to salvage the situation? Watch out next week for the concluding part of this story……

Thank you for your time, please drop your comments and share with others too. Till I come your way next week, make your marriage work!


  1. My advise to her, she should leave the marriage both of them are not ready for marriage… They are both wasting each other time.

  2. Debo says:

    While it is possible to wish for something good, it usually requires determined effort to make the wish come true. Until both parties are sure of what they wish for, they may not even know what the price tag may be….hope they find out sooner than later. Another great work,; eagerly awaiting the second part…

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