The Other Side Of Love

It is a wonderful thing to be in love and live in love with your spouse. It doesn’t mean that both of you are faultless but love makes you overlook so many things. However when love tends to be possessive, it could be extremely dangerous. Femi and I got married after 2 years of courtship and we’ve been married for 18 months. He is everything I ever wanted in a spouse and I am glad he came my way until I began to experience another side of love.

Femi gave me the first shocker on our wedding night when he gave me a new i-phone with a brand new sim in exchange for my old phone. I was thrilled about the phone but the fact that I had to lose all my contacts wasn’t appealing at all; to worsen it, he did nothing about his contacts but insisted I did away with mine. I accepted the change because I wanted to make him happy but now I realise that I made a silly mistake.

Some months after our wedding, my friend Dammy and her fiancé came visiting, Femi excused himself after some few minutes and when his absence was becoming too obvious, I went to the room to check on him, behold my husband was lying down on the bed watching TV. I was upset but calm enough to ask why he had to abandon our guest. Femi told me point blank that I didn’t give him enough attention, but chose my guest above him. I tried to make him see reason but it all proved abortive so I let him be and had to find a way of facing the embarrassing situation.

About 4 months ago, we had an award night in my office and because I was one of the recipients, Femi honoured my invitation, as a matter of fact, he bought a lovely dinner dress with accessories to match. I received a lot of compliments that night and I was quick to point out to everyone who cared to listen that my husband made it happen; Femi sat there beaming with smiles until I was called to attend to my boss who had a flight to catch that same night. I was away from our table for 20mins and by the time I came back, my husband had left; I had to go home in a taxi that night. Femi, was so furious and every attempt to calm him down proved abortive, there and then, he told me to resign my appointment while promising to get a better job for me. I had no choice other than to obey him, since then he’s been giving me monthly stipend without any trace of a new job, so long as I kept to his terms, we had no issues to resolve.

Femi’s possessive attitude makes me feel trapped because I can’t relate freely with friends, neighbours or even church members. He professes undiluted love daily and backs it up with action but I can’t seem to understand why he feels threatened whenever he sees me with someone else or when I am on the phone for more than 3mins. Honestly, I am fed up of the situation and I can’t seem to find a solution, what should I do?

Love is not self centred neither does it lack trust, an individual who claims to be in love but finds it difficult to trust the judgement of his/her spouse with a third party, needs to have a rethink; your spouse is not a prisoner! Most people that are so possessive have underlying problem of insecurity and jealousy and if care is not taken, they will end up blowing off the flame of love in their partner. Nobody wants to be a prisoner in his/her marriage, why sentence your spouse to life imprisonment because of your attitude? It is expedient for such a fellow to work on him/herself before the love they are trying to protect turns sour; may we not be the instrument of our undoing.
Thank you for your time, please remember to share with others and drop your comments too. Till I come your way again, make your marriage work!