It Takes Two

The saying goes that it takes two to tango, but I doubt if men really know this, or worse still, if my man knows this.

My name is Bolade, an educationist with a specific bent towards children, a wife and mother of three handsome boys. My husband, Kola, is a civil engineer with a construction firm of repute.

Kola is a hardworking and God fearing man who ensures that the needs of the family are met, but when it comes to decision making, he believes he has the monopoly. Kola rarely listens to advice especially when it comes from me, his wife. He believes that as the head of the home, he is always right in making decisions. I have to admit that most times he gets it right but there have been times his decisions were unfavourable.

For instance, I wanted our children to attend the school I teach in so as to make things easier for me but he was of the opinion that they attend a more expensive school far away from home and insisted that I did the school runs. I pleaded with him to see reasons with me but he said his decision was final. I accepted, not because I was happy but because I had no choice. It later boomeranged especially when the school increased their fees and my husband couldn’t raise the money. He resorted to borrowing just to keep up appearance, but of course that didn’t last long.

Another source of concern to me is the fact that my husband doesn’t help with the domestic chores and frowns at it when I tell the boys to handle some chores. He is of the opinion that boys are not meant to do domestic chores and if I needed help, I should get a maid or give birth to a girl. My objections were discarded like water on the back of a duck. My first son, who is twelve years old can’t wash his clothes because daddy said he shouldn’t; why can’t my husband see that he is ruining the lives of our children?

Recently he was forced to attend a couple’s dinner because his boss invited him. It was an awesome event. The message was timely and within me I felt like help had finally come. Kola was quiet all through as if he couldn’t wait to get out of the vicinity. When it got to the segment of renewing marriage vows, both of us stared blankly at each other like strangers as we couldn’t repeat any of the professed words. It was at that point that I knew we had fallen apart. Kola gave an excuse to leave and I had to follow him. I tried to raise it when we got home but he didn’t grant me audience.

Sometimes husband and wife fall apart because there isn’t room for joint decision making. The man believes he has the monopoly of deciding what is best for the family so he gives the order and all he expects is compliance. Yes, it is the man’s responsibility to play a leading role in the family but he should be able to confer with his wife if he truly loves her and wants peace to reign. It won’t make him any less a man he is, so why the stress? Joint decision making enables both parties to take into consideration the needs and convenience of each other so that they can reach a suitable compromise.

Most importantly in the area of raising children, it is expedient that couples be united else the children will take advantage of the situation to the detriment of the family. Furthermore, if we desire to raise responsible children, we shouldn’t segregate boys from girls. We should train them alike so that they will in turn become assets to their homes in future.

Finally, marriage is a union between a man and a woman therefore, they should be united in every area including decision making else, they will end up creating a gulf between each other.

Thank you for your time, feel free to drop your comments and contributions or send me a mail through info@iretiadeoyinleye.com, or iretioyinleye@gmail.com. Till I come your way again next week, let’s not forget that it takes two to make a marriage work!