Mama’s Boy

“My Mum likes you, Kemi you are damn lucky girl!” those were Tayo’s words to me after meeting his mum in their gigantic mansion. I dreaded that meeting because I knew Tayo was a ‘Mama’s Boy’ and a slight disapproval from his mum would mean the end of our relationship. Hearing those assuring words was the greatest moment of my life. I was beside myself with joy when Mrs Richards, Tayo’s Mum asked when the wedding bells would ring. For me, it was mission accomplished because I felt I would be able to break him off the clutch of his controlling mother.

Mrs Richards will never take NO for an answer, she calls the shots, everyone else follows suit. Tayo would rather hurt himself than disobey his mum. Consequently Mrs Richards became our de-facto wedding planner as we prepared for our wedding. I never really liked the idea but I didn’t want to hurt Tayo so I had to play along till Tayo became mine officially; little did I know that I was doing myself more harm than good.

Settling down with my husband started with a little hitch, so I thought. He practically lived in the family house till we got married and when I brought up the issue of accommodation he told me his mum said he shouldn’t let out the secret that it was more of a surprise. I waited patiently till we got back from our honeymoon in Florida, courtesy of Tayo’s mum. I got the greatest shock of my life as the suspense over our accommodation was unveiled. Tayo’s mum handed us the keys to a beautiful, tastefully furnished duplex two blocks away from her mansion with a cook and domestic help. When I confronted Tayo, he got on the defensive and accused me of being an ingrate. I was heartbroken as I began to see my plans crumble right before me. As if that wasn’t enough, the cook receives instructions from Mrs Richards regarding the food we eat. She believes she alone knows what’s best for her son. This development strained our relationship as my husband chose to support his mum.

I went to Tayo’s office one day to take him out to lunch at least to reignite my love for him but to my uttermost dismay, he told me his mum brought lunch for him and insisted that we ate the lunch because he doesn’t want to upset her. I tried to make him reason with me to no avail so I decided to let sleeping dogs lie. I was deeply hurt and I left his office very sad. I guess Tayo must have mentioned it to his mum because she called me later that night to warn me against going to her son’s office. I challenged Tayo after the call and all he could say was I should obey his mother’s instruction so that peace would reign.

I was so upset and asked him to choose between myself and his mum, my husband stared at me for a while as if he was trying to make a tough decision, then said “Kemi, don’t force me to choose between yourself and my mum because it won’t favour you”. I was dumbfounded and stood still for a while; I couldn’t just fathom what I heard him say, what sort of emotional attachment is this? How can a grown up man still allow his mum influence him to the detriment of his marriage? Will I ever have the opportunity of getting this ‘Mama’s boy’ to see reasons with me? Can I continue coping with this childish behaviour of his?………..

The decision to enter into a relationship or marriage with the motive of changing our spouse usually boomerangs. The fact is we do not have the capability of changing anybody. Some believe that they can get their spouse to change his religion, cultural beliefs, habits, and so on but when they discover that things are not going on as expected, they get frustrated. My advice is “never go to the kitchen if you can’t stand the heat.” If you can’t accept him the way he is, then, you have no business getting involved with him else you will have yourself to blame.

Furthermore, while it is good to revere our parents, the point at which we can’t do anything without their interference, is the threshold of immaturity. Such people should ‘drop the bib and pick up the apron’ because marriage is not for babies but for the matured. Maturity here covers the physical, financial, spiritual, emotional aspect of a man. If a man/woman is still dependent on a third party in any of these areas, it is advisable for him/her to stay away from marriage.

Thank you once again for your time, feel free to drop your comments and contributions or send me a mail through info@iretiadeoyinleye.com, or iretioyinleye@gmail.com. Also, don’t forget to share the story with others too. Till I come your way again next week, make your marriage work!