Anguish In My Soul

“A devil with an ugly face and two horns can easily be identified than the one in a Cassock”.
My name is Jennifer and I am married to Jerry Jinad. Friends call us ‘Triple J’. Jerry and I met at a youth conference six years ago, a perfect good looking gentleman, well cultured and God fearing. Based on my previous experiences with men, I had vowed not to be carried away by outward appearances so when Jerry showed up, I easily fell for him. We were in courtship for two years and I never had any reason to doubt his sincerity. Although I remember he asked if I could use a ‘grinding stone’ to blend pepper and I asked him jokingly who still does that at this time and age. I remember he laughed and said, “I am an old fashioned man, young lady”. I didn’t take the incident serious though and exactly two years from when we met, we got married.

My marriage became a nightmare that I wish I could wake up from. The first bomb shell thrown at me after our honeymoon was Jerry telling me I can’t share his room because he likes his privacy and I can only sleep in his room when he invites me. I couldn’t just figure out what came over my husband but I had to obey so as to maintain peace. One Saturday afternoon, my husband came home with a grinding stone and instructed me to always use it to blend his pepper else he won’t eat the food. I thought it was a joke until he refused food for three days. I had to learn on the job so that I could get him back to ‘eating my meals’. It wasn’t easy though, but I couldn’t expose my family issues to a third party and he being a unit head in church, I didn’t want to embarrass him.

I became a slave in my own home; I couldn’t eat at the same table or use the same plate with my husband because his culture didn’t permit it. I couldn’t contribute to decision making in my home because he calls the shots. This irrational behaviour continued even after we had our first child. Sharon being a girl, my husband kept rubbing it in my face that until I have a male child I won’t be established in his family, ‘what kind of ‘culture-centric’ man did I get myself involved with?’ I kept asking myself. What happened to the ‘two becoming one flesh’ that he professes? Why say what you don’t have the intention of doing? Meanwhile his attitude remained within the limits of our home; once we get to Church, he becomes a doting Husband and Father, Obviously nobody will believe my story if I decide to voice out, hence I had to play my role in the public pretence.

Late last year, I got a promotion with a salary raise in my office. I was so excited about it but my joy was short lived when I saw my husband’s reaction after breaking the news to him. He looked at me and said, “Congratulations but I guess it’s high time you left that job and concentrate on having a male child”. I was grieved within me that I began to wonder if my happiness ever meant anything to him. How could he be delighted in inflicting so much anguish on my soul?
Presently I am six months pregnant and the scan result shows it’s a girl. I can’t even tell him but I am seriously praying and hoping for a miracle. This temptation is too much for me to bear and it’s gradually killing me; will I ever wake up from this nightmare? ……….

It can be so devastating if one’s marriage falls below the anticipated expectations especially when the person you seem to know too well turns out to be a stranger. Life is full of surprises but nobody wants to experience unpleasant surprises. That is why singles shouldn’t ignore any tell-tale signs during courtship because of emotions. I agree that in this part of the world we have and cherish our culture, but when our culture makes us treat our spouse like a slave then it needs to be checked. Even the scripture commands the man to love his wife as his own body, that is, do to your wife what you would do to your own body. So if a man claims to love a woman and he can’t eat with her at the table or allow her free access to his room then obviously he is not in love; if he needs privacy, then why should he get married in the first place? So many women are suffering in silence because they are being treated like slaves in their homes, some can’t aspire for something greater in life because it will not go down too well with their husbands. This is not the original intent of marriage, no wonder we have so many broken homes in the society today because genuine love is not evident.

Furthermore, it baffles me when those who claim to be educated and spiritually inclined blame their wives for the sex of a child at this time and age; this ought not to be! Medically, it has been proven that a woman is not the determinant factor in the sex of a child so why frustrate her because she has only female children? There are people out there who are willing to do anything just to have a child, yet someone is busy accusing his wife of birthing only female children as if they are not human beings. May God help us realise our wrongs and grant us grace to correct them before it becomes too late.

Thank you once again for your time, feel free to drop your comments and contributions or send me a mail through info@iretiadeoyinleye.com, iretioyinleye@gmail.com, also share with others too. Till I come your way again next week, make that marriage work!

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