Baseless Comparison

Grace and I had been friends since childhood days; hardly do people notice that we weren’t blood sisters. We shared so much in common and never kept secrets from each other, as a matter of fact, Grace was the first person I told about Jude’s proposal and she was so supportive all through our courtship, though she wasn’t in any relationship as at then but she never allowed it to weigh her down. We had promised to get married the same day but since no suitor was forth coming for Grace, I had to go ahead with wedding plans with Jude. However, I insisted that Grace would be my Chief bride’s maid, which she gladly obliged. As fate would have it, Jude’s friend, Sam flew in from South Africa for our wedding and he couldn’t just take his eyes off Grace. They got along with each other and a year after my wedding; they tied the knots in a grand style. I must confess that I was a bit jealous because Sam didn’t spare any expenses needed to make the event colourful and of course he took Grace to Paris for their honeymoon. Unlike my wedding which was low key because Jude needed money for a new car, while our honeymoon was just for a night in one of the hotels in Lagos. Well, I guess the patient dog eats the fattest bone was the case with Grace. To crown it all, Grace had to relocate to South Africa with her husband and that almost broke my heart because of the distance barrier, we however resolved to communicate with each other through phone calls and social media.

The first two years of my marriage to Jude was hell because we just couldn’t understand each other. Jude wanted so much respect from me while I expected so much love and pampering from him. Neither of us got what we wanted and within that period, I concluded that we weren’t compatible. Grace was aware of the initial challenges I had but later I had to start feeding her with lies to cover up. I didn’t want her to feel like she was better off in any regard hence I had to face the struggle alone. More so, Grace was always saying the best about Sam and she kept sending pictures of all their travels. Honestly, they really looked nice in those pictures that I almost wished we could swap husbands. My baseless comparison took its toll on our marriage because I never saw anything special in what Jude did and as a result, I never accorded any regard to his efforts. We had both agreed that we won’t have children in the first three years of our marriage so as to enable us build our career and enhance our income. The decision was okay by me and I later personally resolved to extend it if he refused to meet up with my demands. Grace also told me that they were taking their time in starting a family so I never bothered to probe further.

On our fourth wedding anniversary, Jude came home with a box of chocolate cake and a bottle of wine. I was so ‘pissed’ off and couldn’t control my temper as I unleashed my tongue at him. He looked at me smiling and shook his head which got me more irritated. I expected at least a dinner in a choice restaurant from him not some cheap cake and wine. Jude walked up to me, held my shoulders and said “Ruth, the grass always looks greener at the other side”. Of course, I wasn’t interested in his sermon and as I turned to walk away from him, his next statement brought me to a halt; “Your friend Grace is back in Nigeria and I am sure she will tell you that her fairy tale marriage just collapsed”, Jude said sarcastically. I was dumbfounded and stared at my husband like a zombie for more than sixty seconds. Grace! Marriage Collapse? It just didn’t fit and so I rushed out of his presence to my room.

I put up a call through to Grace on her mobile line and she sounded so excited hearing from me. I was a bit confused but I summoned enough courage to tell her what Jude told me. Instantly her voice changed and she started weeping. “ I am so sorry Ruth” she said amidst tears, “I have been hiding so much from you and feeding you with lies. Sam had been maltreating me so much that I lost two pregnancies. To worsen the situation, I discovered he had another child outside wedlock with a South African woman prior to our wedding and the woman had been fighting tooth and nail to get Sam committed to raising the boy under his roof. I had to run for my dear life because she promised to deal with me if I didn’t back off”.

I was taken aback by her confession, I thought she had it all and even desired to be like her, not knowing that it was all a life of pretence. I stylishly rounded off the call while promising her that I would check on her the following day. I buried my head in my hands as my irrational attitude towards my husband flooded my mind, I realised my foolishness and wondered if Jude would ever forgive me.
“Ruth please get dressed, we have a reservation at the Oceans restaurant for 7pm and I don’t want us to be late”. Jude remarked casually.
I bursted into tears while staring at him with a puzzled look; Jude looked at me smiling and said “Yeah, a Chartered accountant who had just been promoted can afford to take his wife to a choice restaurant you know?”
I became more confused and I opened my mouth to talk but words were not forthcoming.
“Relax Ruth; we have a lot to talk about now that you know the truth about your friend’s marriage”. Jude started the long conversation that brought a turn around to our marriage…….

As humans, we sometimes fall prey of comparing ourselves, spouse, business, marriage or even children with someone else’s. The error therein is that we won’t get to appreciate who we are or what we have until it’s almost too late. Instead of thanking God for what we have within our territory we begin to imagine how green the grass is on the other side not considering the fact that things are not always what they seem. Most people have lost their spouse, children and even marriage to baseless comparison which could have been averted had it been they were more considerate. Let us therefore remind ourselves that we all have our individual differences and what works for one might not work for another. Also, It shouldn’t be about who gets there first, but getting there should be our ultimate goal. This will foster healthy growth in our relationships devoid of unnecessary rivalry and heartache.

Thank you once again for your time, I also want to appreciate everyone that dropped their comments and shared my link last week including all my followers since inception; God bless you all. Please feel free to drop your comments and contributions on this issue or send me a mail through info@iretiadeoyinleye.com, or iretioyinleye@gmail.com also remember to share the link with others too. Till I come your way again next week, keep off baseless comparison!

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