Hijacker Series III

Marriage is actually a bed of roses because as beautiful as the roses may look, there are thorns on the stem that holds them. I got married 5years ago to my first love- Sam and we were both determined to work at removing the thorns on our marriage roses. The first thorn we had to deal with was the fact that I had two miscarriages and a threatened abortion in the first two years of our marriage. Thankfully, due to prompt medical attention, the doctors were able to salvage the situation. I was placed on bed rest and my husband had to get extra hands to help with the domestic chores. Sam’s mother also volunteered to help and she moved in with us in order to take care of me and the pregnancy. God helped me and I was able to carry the pregnancy to term and was delivered of a baby girl through caesarean section.

Things began to take a twist down the lane as my Mother-in-law, Mama as we often call her, began to behave strangely. It started with when I decided to take back my role of cooking for my husband. Mama kept giving me excuses that she wanted me to be strong enough until I had to resist her. My daughter was already a year old so why should I be treated like an invalid? I explained to Sam and He got angry, calling me an ingrate. Though I was heartbroken, I made up my mind to deal with the situation on my own. The fact that Sam is an only child of his widowed mother made it more difficult but I was resolute about saving my marriage without destroying any relationship.
I started preparing meals but Mama will still do her cooking separately. She won’t even eat what I cook except when her son is present. Right before him, she will commend my cooking, what hypocrisy!

Sam and I were to go on vacation to the UK for our 4th wedding anniversary and I was so excited considering the fact that it will be a big break from Mama and an opportunity for me to reconnect with my husband. I didn’t know how Mama got wind of it and before one could say Jack Robinson, Sam had cancelled the trip. He said his mum told him that it was a waste of resource. I was crushed and to worsen it, Mama confronted me, promising hell if I didn’t desist from trying to waste her son’s money.

Gradually Mama has taken over the wheels of our marriage and my husband still hasn’t seen anything wrong with it. How do I fight this lone battle without breaking my marriage?

Hijackers can also come in the form of a close relative or friend. The fact that they are close makes it more difficult for us to discern their motives. That is why it is pertinent for couples to be sensitive to the needs of each other without being judgemental or sentimental. Family is family no doubt about that, but we need to be vigilant and define boundaries when it pertains to having them in our homes. That little help from a close relation or friend is capable of rocking the boat of a home if the motive is wrong or when it’s not properly managed.

Furthermore, a man who decides to bring in his mother to perpetually live with him and his family has just succeeded in having two wives. The mother still sees her son as her little boy that no one else can care for the way she would or who can make decisions on his own. On the other hand, the wife sees herself as the reigning queen and nobody is permitted to take her place. Eventually, both parties will begin to compete with each other knowingly or ignorantly just like rivals. If the man tilts to one side, the other party will accuse him of taking sides; what a dilemma! I am not saying we shouldn’t allow family members visit our homes but having them move in for an undefined duration will generate a lot of controversies in the long run.

It is therefore advisable for couples to work together, be united in vision and decision making so that they won’t be victims of third party influence. They should also learn to manage information and issues among themselves without external interference. Finally, they should be able to clearly and politely define boundaries for third parties in their homes without generating conflict.

Thank you once again for your time, please remember to drop your comments and contributions or send me a mail through info@iretiadeoyinleye.com, or iretioyinleye@gmail.com. Till I come your way again next week, don’t give in to hijackers!