I Killed Her!

My name is Ben Timothy, friends call me BenT. I come from what you’d call a wealthy and high social background. Being the only male child amongst six girls, my parents doted on me like a mother hen. I had everything at my beck and call with so many friends flocking around me. I was a Ladies man too but when I met Joy, a whole lot of things about me changed.

Joy was a loving beautiful woman, very principled and intelligent. She turned me down severally but my persistence paid off as we eventually got married; I must confess that she is indeed a wife material. She managed the home with her career well but when the kids started coming, her work load increased. She never liked the idea of having a domestic help and I for one couldn’t handle domestic chores because I wasn’t raised as such. Of course she drew my attention to it but I just couldn’t help her. My job also didn’t help matters because I work late; coupled with the hectic traffic I had to face daily on my way home. I had no clue that Joy was struggling, juggling career, two children and housekeeping. I thought money would take care of everything, little did I know that my wife needed my attention and support more than my money.

Three years ago, there was a downsizing in her office and she was affected. She tried to get another job but it wasn’t forth coming. On the other hand, the economic situation affected my office too, so money wasn’t flowing in as before and sometimes our salaries were delayed. At some point, we had to live on Joy’s savings and the little profit from her small business. The pressure became so much on me that I never for once considered my wife’s feelings. She called my attention severally but I was always on the defensive. I guess she got tired and withdrew to herself but ego wouldn’t allow me ask her what was wrong. I just believed things will fall in place not knowing that I was taking her for granted.
My wife took ill and it was discovered that her blood pressure was high. She was admitted at the hospital for close monitoring and I had to take up her role in the house. My parents were out of the country and none of my sisters lived close by. It was then that I discovered my wife’s worth. I couldn’t just get anything right and the kids didn’t help matters too. I resolved to buying food at the eatery so we could survive, while hoping and praying that she recovered fast. My wife was discharged after a week and I could see the disgust in her eyes when she sighted the unkempt house. Well, I was glad she was back to put orderliness into our house.

Normalcy returned to our home or so I thought, but my wife became a shadow of herself. I assumed she was trying to take things easy so I never bothered to ask. I returned from work one day to discover that my wife had been rushed to the hospital. I know she mentioned abdominal pain and nausea some few days earlier but I didn’t take her serious because she was always up and about. When I got to the hospital I was told she had a ruptured appendix and immediate surgery had to be carried out on her. I was devastated partly because the doctor accused me of being careless which I couldn’t deny. I knew I never reciprocated her love, I remembered all the times I shouted her down simply because she wanted my attention, days I kept mute and carried on as if she never existed… I promised myself that I was going to make it up to her. Unfortunately for me, the doctor told me that she had some complications and my wife of 8 years passed on. How do I explain to our children that my careless attitude led to their mother’s death? How do I turn back the hand of the clock? I took my wife for granted and had no time to remedy my actions, where do I go from here? ……….

Someone said ‘you never appreciate the value of a thing until you lose it’. Must we lose our spouse, relationships or children before we place value on them? Marriage is hard work and it takes joint effort from both parties to make it work. Most women are wired to multi-task but they are not ‘robots’. It is wisdom for a man to help reduce her work load by assisting her or hire a help for her. Also, women should know when to take care of their health because it’s their body. Nobody can care for you the way you will care for yourself; why die before your time?

Some men treat their wives as a possession not as a partner. They expect their orders to be carried out without a care in the world who gets hurt, is that love? If she were your blood, how would you treat her? If we have an understanding that each second we spend with our spouse is a reduction in the number of years we would spend with them, we will treat them well. You might not lose that spouse to death but you might lose her emotionally. It’s time we sit back and tidy up our relationships before it is too late.

Furthermore, as parents, let’s train our children both male and female appropriately so that they can be assets to their spouses. A boy/girl should learn how to do domestic chores and cook. Let’s teach them to place value on people and not see them as possessions because respect is reciprocal.

Thank you for your time, feel free to drop your comments and contributions or send me a mail through info@iretiadeoyinleye.com, or iretioyinleye@gmail.com. Till I come your way again next week, make each second count in your marriage,